Just a Girl Named Cate

The Quarter was over run with teens today. Apparently, there's a religious convention of mostly teenagers and they were all being very touristy in and around the streets where I live. I think it's great that they're here. Lord knows New Orleans can use all the tourist money it can muster. But it was all so hectic and crazy and made me want to just come inside, shut my door and paint.

I ended up painting something different this evening. I think it was inpired by all the hullabaloo just outside. I looked at those kids that are visiting New Orleans, many, I'm sure, for the first time, and I see nothing but hopes and dreams in their eyes. In many ways, I admire that becuase I know I never had that when I was their age. I like to think I understand it better now, and I feel excited thinking about where I want to be and what I want to do. Hope is a good thing, I guess. But it's something I'm still getting used to.

I thought coming home was a good idea, a good chance for me to reset and start over. Although being back home has brought back lots of good memories, it's definitely come with it's share of frustrating moments. I'm finding people all have an opinion as to what's best for me. This is even coming from people I barely know! It's always, "What are you going to do now?" or "You should consider doing this." Newsflash: I don't want your opinion, people!!!! It's one thing when when you go out and ask someone for their advice, it's another thing when you're just having conversation and the person across the table from you becomes an instant career expert.

If there's one really good thing is that I am finally finding a groove - I think - with my art. It's even weird for me to call it 'my art', but me painting or drawing is not like it was before. I am getting more comfortable with the idea that this is what I 'do', and I am learning to take pride in what I do and not just hide behind it. But this doesn't mean I want you or anyone else telling me what I should be doing as an artist. Let me just enjoy this.

Whenever a Monday rolls around, I feel the need to make a list of things I should be doing or need to do. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the stuff I left behind in Pennsylvania and how or when I will be able to make it back up there to get it all. Still, I think about making a list of things to do and nothing ever happens.

I still feel like I am settling in being back home in New Orleans, but there's also a sense that I am missing something. My road trip this summer got me thinking about a lot of things including how precious time is and how eveything can change in an instant. I see now how fleeting some of my decision making has been in the past, and I want to change that going forward. I think the thing is I don't know exactly how to do that.

Maybe today will be the day I start toward that change. We'll see what happens.